Adjusting for the Situation

Karen Wedding In A Year, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

This is the fourth post in a year-long series chronicling the process from engagement to wedding. We will share tips, ideas, and real-world experiences that may help you through your own planning process.

This year has landed us in a situation that was previously unthinkable. Most of us have never even thought about a pandemic of this scale. There’s a lot of uncertainty and it’s difficult to know how to respond.

If planning a wedding is stressful, planning a wedding during a global health crisis is a full-blown panic attack. You may be unemployed, or watching your investments plummet in value, or have a loved one who is high risk or sick. Given the new issues you are facing, wedding planning may seem like a luxury, or it might continually fall to the bottom of your to-do list, which is entirely understandable.

If you are planning, or have rescheduled, your wedding for next year, or if your event is still scheduled to happen during 2020, there are some ways you could adjust for the situation.

Smaller Guest List

Many couples are choosing to pivot by holding a smaller wedding with just family and/or close friends. While this past spring, gatherings of any size needed to be cancelled or rescheduled, it is now possible to have a small to moderate size wedding, with some adjustments. Regulations on gatherings vary depending on where you live, so, for the sake of illustrating a scenario, let’s say your event has to be capped at 100 people. If you were planning to hold an event with more than 100 guests and rescheduling isn’t an option you want to consider, you face some hard choices.

If you’ve already sent invitations, you have to uninvite some people. My best tip for this is to go through your guest list. Identify those people that absolutely must be at your wedding because you would be devastated if they weren’t there to share the day with you. Those are the folks you absolutely would want to keep.

Mark anyone who could potentially be negatively affected by being exposed to large groups at this time, such as elderly family, immunocompromised individuals, or those working in front-line jobs. These folks may feel more comfortable not attending in person, or simply may not be able to attend due to the health risks involved. Having an honest and compassionate conversation to share your and their concerns will help maintain your relationship and help you both come to a consensus together on what to do.

You could also consider eliminating guests who would need to travel in order to attend, due to potential travel regulations and the risks of traveling at this time. Again, communicating your concerns and hearing theirs is the most effective way to reach a decision everyone can live with.

Use Technology to Your Benefit

For those who cannot attend in person, consider offering a livestream or video option if you’re able. If a videographer is not in your budget, you could ask a tech-savvy family member if they would mind taking video of the ceremony on their phone or with a camera. This way, you would still be able to share some of those important moments with your loved ones.

Keep in mind that unless your family member is a trained videographer, it won’t have the same look or feel as a professional video—but it could be a viable option to at least capture some of the special moments.

A livestream could also be a possibility if your venue has decent Internet. You could share the stream with those who couldn’t travel in, or had health risks, or with other friends and family who couldn’t attend in person.

Elderly attendees may struggle with this option more, as they may not have a computer or a quality Internet connection to watch streamed video. Livestream usually offers an option to record the stream, which could be transferred to a DVD and mailed to less tech savvy loved ones.

Lower Budget

Many wedding vendors have designed packages for smaller weddings that are more budget friendly. If you are planning a smaller ceremony, be sure to ask your vendors if they have any offerings that could be a good fit for you.

If you’ve already signed a contract, a lower guest count means fewer tables, linens, food, staff, alcohol service, etc. Have a talk with your caterer and your venue—who are no doubt aware of the changing requirements and will likely be willing to work with you to adjust—and ask for an updated bill. If you have any concerns about how the changes might affect your finances or the charges from your vendors, don’t hesitate to ask.

Rescheduling vs. Cancelling

The question of postponing or outright cancelling has almost certainly come up for you. My best tip for this issue is to talk with your vendors before making a decision. Your vendors will most likely allow you to reschedule without penalty, but before you choose a new date, confirm with all of them that they are available on the new date.

Once you have confirmed their availability and willingness to reschedule, then you should confirm the change. Most vendors are willing to be flexible if you are rescheduling. 

Cancelling the event comes with much greater financial risk. You would likely lose the deposit, and there may be additional fees if you cancel within a certain time range of the event.

It may seem unreasonable, but your venue and wedding vendors have put time in to make your wedding a success; how much time varies by service, but refunding your money means that they are not compensated for those hours.

Finding a Venue You Love

Karen Wedding In A Year, , , , , , , , , ,

Photo is of Linganore Winecellars in Mt. Airy, MD.

This is the third post in a year-long series chronicling the process from engagement to wedding. We will share tips, ideas, and real-world experiences that may help you through your own planning process.

The venue is one of the most important decisions you will make for your wedding day. It has the potential to dictate almost all the other high-value items, including the catering options, décor, guest list, music, and more. Your venue has to meet at the intersection of your desired wedding date, your budget, your general location, and your rough head count. Finding a venue you love can be tricky, but not impossible!

Start Early

If you’re planning a wedding for a popular season, you may want to start looking at venues early. Fall weddings are particularly popular right now, and you may want to start at least a year in advance to ensure you can get a date you like.

However, if you’re planning a wedding for an off-season time, such as the winter, you have a lot more leeway. Just keep in mind that if you are set on an outdoor wedding, but you want off-season prices, winter may not be the best option for you.

Popular venues may also book as much as a year or more in advance, especially for weekend weddings, with an emphasis on Fridays and Saturdays. If you have a couple of venues in mind or one that you really love, it’s wise to contact them early and find out how far out they book and how you sign up for a tour.

Tour the Venue

Absolutely tour the venue, if you’re able. You may love the look of the place online or in other peoples’ photos, but you won’t know for certain if you can see yourself being married there until you visit. You can get a sense of how the place feels to you, what you might want to do for decorations, and you can meet and ask questions of the staff in person.

You don’t need to make a huge event out of the tour, either. Your parents may want to come, especially if they’re helping to pay for the wedding. However, you can arrange to tour the venue first and decide if it’s even a place you would like to reserve. Then you can bring your parents, friends, or bridal party for a visit on a different day once you’ve decided whether you like the venue. Typically, a tour is just the couple and maybe a close friend or the wedding planner, brought along for questions or feedback.

Keep in Mind the Budget

Have in mind a budget before you begin. This helps with the feeling of being overwhelmed as well, because it will absolutely narrow down your options. For example, if you’re aiming to spend no more than $15,000 on your wedding, then a five-star hotel is likely not going to be an option.

If you haven’t started filling out a full wedding budget, that’s fine as well. You can still plan for venues even with a rough number or a range in mind. Consider what your top spending amount is and work backward from there. You may also want to do some research before you begin or ask your wedding planner for advice on what venues typically cost in your area to get a better idea of what you can afford.

Making the Guest List

Karen Wedding In A Year, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

This is the second post in a year-long series chronicling the process from engagement to wedding. We will share tips, ideas, and real-world experiences that may help you through your own planning process.

It’s tempting to add everyone you know to your guest list, regardless of what kind of event you’re holding. For weddings and engagements, you probably want all the people you know and love to celebrate with you. And that’s great! But sometimes it’s just not feasible, for space, time, or money reasons. So how do you make a guest list that works for you? Here are a few tips to consider.

Say “No” to A, B, and C Lists

It’s common wedding advice to have the couple create an “A” list of folks who absolutely are invited, without question. This could be parents, grandparents, siblings, close relatives and friends, etc. The “B” list might be people you would like to invite but aren’t sure you will have the space or aren’t sure they will accept the invitation. These might be people who live out of the area, distant relations, or friends you aren’t as close to. And the “C” list are folks you will invite if other people don’t come, such as business friends, coworkers, or distant relatives.

I typically don’t advise my clients to use tiered lists. They can get the couple into trouble trying to tally their head count with catering and the venue. It’s easy to lose track of the count like this, and sometimes you under- or overestimate who will accept or come to the event. My advice is to create one list. A common rule of thumb is that only 70% of your guest list will accept the invite or arrive and someone will always cancel last-minute, but it’s wiser to plan for the full number you have invited. 

My advice generally is to create one list and, until you hear otherwise, plan as if everyone you invite will accept. This gives you a consistent idea of what to expect for numbers and also helps you narrow down who you really want to come to your event.

Account for the Space

You likely selected your wedding venue before you started on your guest list. You probably have a general idea in mind of roughly how many people you want to invite. Now it’s time to solidify that rough idea into a more stable list.  If you have a long list of people you want to invite, you probably considered the maximum capacity of the venue.  But even if no one arrives unexpectedly or accepts last-minute, you don’t want your guests to feel crowded, and you will need room for a dance floor. I suggest looking at wedding floor plans for your venue to see what size tables are typical and how many will fit comfortably. Consider the number of guests per table and the number of tables you will need. 

However, although a five-foot round table comfortably seats 8 guests, room for 20 tables of 8 doesn’t automatically mean room for 160 guests. Although you won’t make the seating chart until the RSVPs are back, you should assume that there will be groups of 5, 6, or 7 guests that you will want to seat together. This means leaving room for one or two extra tables. So, I suggest subtracting two tables to calculate the number of guests the room will comfortably accommodate. In this case, I recommend using a maximum capacity of 144, not 160.

If you are having a smaller, more intimate wedding with close friends and family, you will need to consider the venue’s minimum, if they have one. 

Account for the Budget

Involve a wedding planner to create your budget, if possible, or talk to friends who have been recently married and do your research to see what your “must have” items will realistically cost.  The easiest way to stay within your wedding budget is to limit the number of guests, but the cost per guest goes way beyond what your catering and beverage package will charge per person. You will also need to consider the number of tables, chairs, linens, and centerpieces, and it can all change based on the head count you communicate to your vendors.

Once you have an idea of the cost per person, you need to determine how many guests you can afford without breaking the bank. You might want 100 people at your wedding, but your budget can only accommodate 75. That’s fine, but you need to plan accordingly. If you really want that 76th person to be there, you might have to expand your budget somewhat to account for the increase.

Account for Relationships

If you have a large family, it might feel like you have to invite everyone you’re related to. Or your parents or grandparents might insist on having that distant cousin receive an invite because that person is important to them.

If your budget allows for a large wedding, then that’s fantastic. You may be able to invite everyone in the family and then some. But the reality for many couples these days is that they just can’t afford to invite everyone.

It’s time to consider your relationships with people. If it’s a work associate you’re not that close to, or a distant relative you barely know, you may not want to invite them. If you would be absolutely heartbroken if someone didn’t come, then you know they definitely need to have an invite.

These are hard choices, but if you start with the people you know for certain you want to be there and work down the list from there, you can create a guest list that is “just right” for the two of you.