All About Stationary

Karen Wedding In A Year, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Photo is from a Winter Fairytale Styled Shoot. Photography by Amanda MacPhee Photography. Stationary by The Organized Bride.

This is the sixth post in a year-long series chronicling the process from engagement to wedding. We will share tips, ideas, and real-world experiences that may help you through your own planning process.

How are your guests going to find out the details of your event?

You could shout it from the virtual rooftops of course, and repeatedly post on social media to invite or inform a good majority of your guests. But what if you’re including someone who doesn’t have Internet, such as an elderly grandparent? What if someone doesn’t check their email or social media frequently?

Sending something via the mail is still a good idea for a number of reasons: everyone likes good mail; it will arrive for your elderly or Internet-free guests; it can be stuck to the fridge and seen daily as a reminder; and many guests are on the lookout for something in the mail once they hear about the wedding. Even if you only send one of your stationary items by regular mail, you should consider sending something through USPS.

What are these stationary items you need to be concerned about, and when do you send them? There are many, many guides available on the Internet. Below are my suggestions and best tips for a timeline of when to contact vendors and when to have them confirmed in order to have your best experience.

For our purposes, we’ll assume your wedding is on a twelve-month timeframe. Adjust as necessary to suit your needs.

A Note About Handmade Stationary

If you plan to have a vendor create all or some of your stationary, then you will need to contact them and confirm their services about eight months away from the wedding. If you are hiring a calligrapher or want your stationary to be handwritten, check with the vendor’s timetable and follow their guidelines for how far out they need to book to fulfill your order.

For all of your stationary, allow enough time in your planning to proofread and revise and, if necessary, reprint!

Save the Dates

Your first piece of stationary! The save-the-dates are so exciting! The save the date is the first piece of wedding-related mail your guests will receive, and you want it to catch their eye. I’ve seen some couples choose to send magnets instead of a traditional paper save the date so their guests could put it directly on the fridge and always see it.

You can choose a style that will be similar to your invitations or you can go an entirely different direction. Some couples use graphics and text only; others use the photos from their engagement photo shoot on the save-the-dates. Whichever route you go, make sure you have your wedding date and venue confirmed BEFORE sending these! You do not need to have the time of the ceremony nailed down by this point, but you should include the names of the couple, the venue, the date, and maybe your wedding website (if you have it made already) to let people explore on their own.

When to send: Typically, you’ll want to send your save-the-dates at least 6 months before the big day. If you’re planning a destination wedding, or if you know that some of your guests will require additional advance notice, aim to send these at least 8 months ahead to give guests more lead time.

Shower Invitations

Typically, the mother of the bride hosts the bridal shower, and so they would be the host and invitation sender for the shower. Keep in mind that the bridal party or the bride herself can help with the invitations as well, such as by providing names and addresses or by sending on the parent’s behalf.

You can do anything you like with the shower invitations! They do not need to match any other stationary, and are often colorful, fun, or exciting.

When to send: A polite timeframe is about 6-8 weeks before the date of the shower.

Wedding Invitations

Your most important piece of stationary is the wedding invitation! Give yourself plenty of time to search for a style you like. In general, your wedding invitation will reflect your wedding’s theme, color scheme, and/or level of formality.

You can start looking at styles and vendors as early as you would like. Some couples start looking shortly after deciding on a wedding date. Others wait until closer to the halfway point. Regardless of when, keep in mind your timeline, and remember that if you want handmade invitations and you have a large guest list, you need to give your vendors time to create a beautiful invitation for you!

As for what to include on the invitation, it can vary depending on how traditional you want to be and what familial situations you may have to account for in the wording. I recommend taking a look at WeddingWire’s detailed wedding invitation guide to help you make some decisions.

When to send: For a destination wedding, give more advance! Send invites at least 2-3 months before the wedding date. For a local wedding, send about 6-8 weeks beforehand.  Make sure that your RSVP date is at least a week before your final count is due to the venue and caterer in case you have to track down responses.

Rehearsal Dinner Invitations

These invitations can be very simple and easy. You send these only to those who need to be there for the rehearsal, and thus the rehearsal dinner. This doesn’t have to be a big bash unless you want it to be. Typically, you should include the bride’s and groom’s parents, siblings, any grandparents, and the bridal party.

Traditionally, the parents of the groom host the rehearsal dinner, and they should send the invitations (or the couple can prepare and send the invitations on the parents’ behalf, if that’s easier, with the return address label showing the hosts’ address). However, the couple could choose to host, or if you are going a non-traditional route, feel free to have the invitations come from whomever is hosting the dinner.

When to send: WeddingWire recommends you send these after you’ve sent the wedding invitations, but no later than roughly 4 weeks before the rehearsal dinner.  

Ceremony Stationary

This stationary doesn’t need to be sent anywhere! This category contains items like your ceremony programs, table cards, signage, etc. Anything you plan to use on your wedding day falls here.

These items can be prepared well ahead of time, or whenever the bridal couple desires. However, for the program, confirm your bridal party and wedding details before printing! You don’t want to waste money having to do a reprint of 100 programs at the last minute.

Some couples want their programs to match the look of the invitations. You do not have to do this. You can be whimsical, serious, simple or fancy, or any style you want. When thinking about what your program will look like – such as a simple front-and-back cardstock, a multi-page booklet, or something in between – you’ll need to account for the size of the bridal party, the length of the ceremony and what’s included in said ceremony, and anyone you would like to explicitly thank.

Thank You Notes

Keep track of your gifts! At any party, shower, or other wedding-related event, it may help to have a friend or family member assist. They can keep a list on a pad of paper with the gift and who gave it, or they can save the gift tags and add any necessary details.

Make sure you keep a list, though. You will need to send thank you notes to all of your guests and gift-givers. Sending thank you notes is a polite and traditional way to thank a guest for attending and/or for giving you a gift. If someone attended the wedding but did not send or bring a gift, it’s still polite to send a card thanking that person for being present.

Your thank you notes do not have to match the rest of your stationary unless you want them to. You could even get some very pretty thank you notes from big box stores or Amazon and spare your budget a little bit. However, if you do want them to match your save the dates or invitations, you’ll need to include them in the count you give to your vendor.

When to send: It’s never too late to send a thank you card. However, try to send them within 2-3 weeks of your wedding date. You can send a thank you card up to 3 months afterward without raising any eyebrows. Most folks understand that you’ll either be on your honeymoon or simply enjoying wedded bliss during this time.

Don’t hesitate to ask your coordinator or a more experienced family member/friend if you have any questions!

Finding a Venue You Love

Karen Wedding In A Year, , , , , , , , , ,

Photo is of Linganore Winecellars in Mt. Airy, MD.

This is the third post in a year-long series chronicling the process from engagement to wedding. We will share tips, ideas, and real-world experiences that may help you through your own planning process.

The venue is one of the most important decisions you will make for your wedding day. It has the potential to dictate almost all the other high-value items, including the catering options, décor, guest list, music, and more. Your venue has to meet at the intersection of your desired wedding date, your budget, your general location, and your rough head count. Finding a venue you love can be tricky, but not impossible!

Start Early

If you’re planning a wedding for a popular season, you may want to start looking at venues early. Fall weddings are particularly popular right now, and you may want to start at least a year in advance to ensure you can get a date you like.

However, if you’re planning a wedding for an off-season time, such as the winter, you have a lot more leeway. Just keep in mind that if you are set on an outdoor wedding, but you want off-season prices, winter may not be the best option for you.

Popular venues may also book as much as a year or more in advance, especially for weekend weddings, with an emphasis on Fridays and Saturdays. If you have a couple of venues in mind or one that you really love, it’s wise to contact them early and find out how far out they book and how you sign up for a tour.

Tour the Venue

Absolutely tour the venue, if you’re able. You may love the look of the place online or in other peoples’ photos, but you won’t know for certain if you can see yourself being married there until you visit. You can get a sense of how the place feels to you, what you might want to do for decorations, and you can meet and ask questions of the staff in person.

You don’t need to make a huge event out of the tour, either. Your parents may want to come, especially if they’re helping to pay for the wedding. However, you can arrange to tour the venue first and decide if it’s even a place you would like to reserve. Then you can bring your parents, friends, or bridal party for a visit on a different day once you’ve decided whether you like the venue. Typically, a tour is just the couple and maybe a close friend or the wedding planner, brought along for questions or feedback.

Keep in Mind the Budget

Have in mind a budget before you begin. This helps with the feeling of being overwhelmed as well, because it will absolutely narrow down your options. For example, if you’re aiming to spend no more than $15,000 on your wedding, then a five-star hotel is likely not going to be an option.

If you haven’t started filling out a full wedding budget, that’s fine as well. You can still plan for venues even with a rough number or a range in mind. Consider what your top spending amount is and work backward from there. You may also want to do some research before you begin or ask your wedding planner for advice on what venues typically cost in your area to get a better idea of what you can afford.

Making the Guest List

Karen Wedding In A Year, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

This is the second post in a year-long series chronicling the process from engagement to wedding. We will share tips, ideas, and real-world experiences that may help you through your own planning process.

It’s tempting to add everyone you know to your guest list, regardless of what kind of event you’re holding. For weddings and engagements, you probably want all the people you know and love to celebrate with you. And that’s great! But sometimes it’s just not feasible, for space, time, or money reasons. So how do you make a guest list that works for you? Here are a few tips to consider.

Say “No” to A, B, and C Lists

It’s common wedding advice to have the couple create an “A” list of folks who absolutely are invited, without question. This could be parents, grandparents, siblings, close relatives and friends, etc. The “B” list might be people you would like to invite but aren’t sure you will have the space or aren’t sure they will accept the invitation. These might be people who live out of the area, distant relations, or friends you aren’t as close to. And the “C” list are folks you will invite if other people don’t come, such as business friends, coworkers, or distant relatives.

I typically don’t advise my clients to use tiered lists. They can get the couple into trouble trying to tally their head count with catering and the venue. It’s easy to lose track of the count like this, and sometimes you under- or overestimate who will accept or come to the event. My advice is to create one list. A common rule of thumb is that only 70% of your guest list will accept the invite or arrive and someone will always cancel last-minute, but it’s wiser to plan for the full number you have invited. 

My advice generally is to create one list and, until you hear otherwise, plan as if everyone you invite will accept. This gives you a consistent idea of what to expect for numbers and also helps you narrow down who you really want to come to your event.

Account for the Space

You likely selected your wedding venue before you started on your guest list. You probably have a general idea in mind of roughly how many people you want to invite. Now it’s time to solidify that rough idea into a more stable list.  If you have a long list of people you want to invite, you probably considered the maximum capacity of the venue.  But even if no one arrives unexpectedly or accepts last-minute, you don’t want your guests to feel crowded, and you will need room for a dance floor. I suggest looking at wedding floor plans for your venue to see what size tables are typical and how many will fit comfortably. Consider the number of guests per table and the number of tables you will need. 

However, although a five-foot round table comfortably seats 8 guests, room for 20 tables of 8 doesn’t automatically mean room for 160 guests. Although you won’t make the seating chart until the RSVPs are back, you should assume that there will be groups of 5, 6, or 7 guests that you will want to seat together. This means leaving room for one or two extra tables. So, I suggest subtracting two tables to calculate the number of guests the room will comfortably accommodate. In this case, I recommend using a maximum capacity of 144, not 160.

If you are having a smaller, more intimate wedding with close friends and family, you will need to consider the venue’s minimum, if they have one. 

Account for the Budget

Involve a wedding planner to create your budget, if possible, or talk to friends who have been recently married and do your research to see what your “must have” items will realistically cost.  The easiest way to stay within your wedding budget is to limit the number of guests, but the cost per guest goes way beyond what your catering and beverage package will charge per person. You will also need to consider the number of tables, chairs, linens, and centerpieces, and it can all change based on the head count you communicate to your vendors.

Once you have an idea of the cost per person, you need to determine how many guests you can afford without breaking the bank. You might want 100 people at your wedding, but your budget can only accommodate 75. That’s fine, but you need to plan accordingly. If you really want that 76th person to be there, you might have to expand your budget somewhat to account for the increase.

Account for Relationships

If you have a large family, it might feel like you have to invite everyone you’re related to. Or your parents or grandparents might insist on having that distant cousin receive an invite because that person is important to them.

If your budget allows for a large wedding, then that’s fantastic. You may be able to invite everyone in the family and then some. But the reality for many couples these days is that they just can’t afford to invite everyone.

It’s time to consider your relationships with people. If it’s a work associate you’re not that close to, or a distant relative you barely know, you may not want to invite them. If you would be absolutely heartbroken if someone didn’t come, then you know they definitely need to have an invite.

These are hard choices, but if you start with the people you know for certain you want to be there and work down the list from there, you can create a guest list that is “just right” for the two of you.