All About Stationary

Karen Wedding In A Year, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Photo is from a Winter Fairytale Styled Shoot. Photography by Amanda MacPhee Photography. Stationary by The Organized Bride.

This is the sixth post in a year-long series chronicling the process from engagement to wedding. We will share tips, ideas, and real-world experiences that may help you through your own planning process.

How are your guests going to find out the details of your event?

You could shout it from the virtual rooftops of course, and repeatedly post on social media to invite or inform a good majority of your guests. But what if you’re including someone who doesn’t have Internet, such as an elderly grandparent? What if someone doesn’t check their email or social media frequently?

Sending something via the mail is still a good idea for a number of reasons: everyone likes good mail; it will arrive for your elderly or Internet-free guests; it can be stuck to the fridge and seen daily as a reminder; and many guests are on the lookout for something in the mail once they hear about the wedding. Even if you only send one of your stationary items by regular mail, you should consider sending something through USPS.

What are these stationary items you need to be concerned about, and when do you send them? There are many, many guides available on the Internet. Below are my suggestions and best tips for a timeline of when to contact vendors and when to have them confirmed in order to have your best experience.

For our purposes, we’ll assume your wedding is on a twelve-month timeframe. Adjust as necessary to suit your needs.

A Note About Handmade Stationary

If you plan to have a vendor create all or some of your stationary, then you will need to contact them and confirm their services about eight months away from the wedding. If you are hiring a calligrapher or want your stationary to be handwritten, check with the vendor’s timetable and follow their guidelines for how far out they need to book to fulfill your order.

For all of your stationary, allow enough time in your planning to proofread and revise and, if necessary, reprint!

Save the Dates

Your first piece of stationary! The save-the-dates are so exciting! The save the date is the first piece of wedding-related mail your guests will receive, and you want it to catch their eye. I’ve seen some couples choose to send magnets instead of a traditional paper save the date so their guests could put it directly on the fridge and always see it.

You can choose a style that will be similar to your invitations or you can go an entirely different direction. Some couples use graphics and text only; others use the photos from their engagement photo shoot on the save-the-dates. Whichever route you go, make sure you have your wedding date and venue confirmed BEFORE sending these! You do not need to have the time of the ceremony nailed down by this point, but you should include the names of the couple, the venue, the date, and maybe your wedding website (if you have it made already) to let people explore on their own.

When to send: Typically, you’ll want to send your save-the-dates at least 6 months before the big day. If you’re planning a destination wedding, or if you know that some of your guests will require additional advance notice, aim to send these at least 8 months ahead to give guests more lead time.

Shower Invitations

Typically, the mother of the bride hosts the bridal shower, and so they would be the host and invitation sender for the shower. Keep in mind that the bridal party or the bride herself can help with the invitations as well, such as by providing names and addresses or by sending on the parent’s behalf.

You can do anything you like with the shower invitations! They do not need to match any other stationary, and are often colorful, fun, or exciting.

When to send: A polite timeframe is about 6-8 weeks before the date of the shower.

Wedding Invitations

Your most important piece of stationary is the wedding invitation! Give yourself plenty of time to search for a style you like. In general, your wedding invitation will reflect your wedding’s theme, color scheme, and/or level of formality.

You can start looking at styles and vendors as early as you would like. Some couples start looking shortly after deciding on a wedding date. Others wait until closer to the halfway point. Regardless of when, keep in mind your timeline, and remember that if you want handmade invitations and you have a large guest list, you need to give your vendors time to create a beautiful invitation for you!

As for what to include on the invitation, it can vary depending on how traditional you want to be and what familial situations you may have to account for in the wording. I recommend taking a look at WeddingWire’s detailed wedding invitation guide to help you make some decisions.

When to send: For a destination wedding, give more advance! Send invites at least 2-3 months before the wedding date. For a local wedding, send about 6-8 weeks beforehand.  Make sure that your RSVP date is at least a week before your final count is due to the venue and caterer in case you have to track down responses.

Rehearsal Dinner Invitations

These invitations can be very simple and easy. You send these only to those who need to be there for the rehearsal, and thus the rehearsal dinner. This doesn’t have to be a big bash unless you want it to be. Typically, you should include the bride’s and groom’s parents, siblings, any grandparents, and the bridal party.

Traditionally, the parents of the groom host the rehearsal dinner, and they should send the invitations (or the couple can prepare and send the invitations on the parents’ behalf, if that’s easier, with the return address label showing the hosts’ address). However, the couple could choose to host, or if you are going a non-traditional route, feel free to have the invitations come from whomever is hosting the dinner.

When to send: WeddingWire recommends you send these after you’ve sent the wedding invitations, but no later than roughly 4 weeks before the rehearsal dinner.  

Ceremony Stationary

This stationary doesn’t need to be sent anywhere! This category contains items like your ceremony programs, table cards, signage, etc. Anything you plan to use on your wedding day falls here.

These items can be prepared well ahead of time, or whenever the bridal couple desires. However, for the program, confirm your bridal party and wedding details before printing! You don’t want to waste money having to do a reprint of 100 programs at the last minute.

Some couples want their programs to match the look of the invitations. You do not have to do this. You can be whimsical, serious, simple or fancy, or any style you want. When thinking about what your program will look like – such as a simple front-and-back cardstock, a multi-page booklet, or something in between – you’ll need to account for the size of the bridal party, the length of the ceremony and what’s included in said ceremony, and anyone you would like to explicitly thank.

Thank You Notes

Keep track of your gifts! At any party, shower, or other wedding-related event, it may help to have a friend or family member assist. They can keep a list on a pad of paper with the gift and who gave it, or they can save the gift tags and add any necessary details.

Make sure you keep a list, though. You will need to send thank you notes to all of your guests and gift-givers. Sending thank you notes is a polite and traditional way to thank a guest for attending and/or for giving you a gift. If someone attended the wedding but did not send or bring a gift, it’s still polite to send a card thanking that person for being present.

Your thank you notes do not have to match the rest of your stationary unless you want them to. You could even get some very pretty thank you notes from big box stores or Amazon and spare your budget a little bit. However, if you do want them to match your save the dates or invitations, you’ll need to include them in the count you give to your vendor.

When to send: It’s never too late to send a thank you card. However, try to send them within 2-3 weeks of your wedding date. You can send a thank you card up to 3 months afterward without raising any eyebrows. Most folks understand that you’ll either be on your honeymoon or simply enjoying wedded bliss during this time.

Don’t hesitate to ask your coordinator or a more experienced family member/friend if you have any questions!

When to Book Your Vendors

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This is the fifth post in a year-long series chronicling the process from engagement to wedding. We will share tips, ideas, and real-world experiences that may help you through your own planning process.

Knowing when to book your vendors is crucial to not only making sure your event goes as planned, but also for keeping your stress levels low and keeping a steady flow during your planning stages.

There are many, many guides available on the Internet. Below are my suggestions and best tips for a timeline of when to contact vendors and when to confirm. 

Since a typical wedding takes about a year to plan, for our purposes here, we’re assuming your wedding is on a twelve-month timeframe. Adjust as necessary to suit your needs.

12 Months Out

Think about:
  • Wedding location and style – Before starting your venue search, it helps to have an idea of what location and style would suit you. If you would prefer a rustic barn wedding, then the middle of a city is unlikely to meet your needs. Spend some time researching what styles and locations you like and narrow down your preferences.
  • Wedding date – Select your preferred date and two backup dates. When you talk with each venue (which should be your first vendor contact), see if they are available on your dates.
  • Wedding planner – Will you have a planner or a day-of coordinator? If so, narrow down your choices and plan to conduct interviews. If not, make sure you know who will handle these essential duties for you.
Contact and confirm:
  • Venue – Once you select a few potential venues based on your wedding location and style, you can begin to schedule tours. In the era of coronavirus, or if you are travelling to your wedding destination, in-person tours may not be possible. If you can’t visit in person, see if a virtual or livestream tour is an option. Once you do decide on the venue of your dreams, confirm your date and put down the deposit. Keep in mind that popular venues are booked a year or more in advance, so if you are tied to a specific date for your wedding, you may want to lock this in early.
  • Caterer – Your venue may have a preferred caterer they work with. If so, you may need to book the caterer at the same time as the venue. Be prepared in case you need to put down two deposits instead of one.
  • Planner/Coordinator – If you are hiring a coordinator, you want to make sure they are available for your wedding date. If you’re hiring a planner to take you through the entire process, you want to start early.

10 Months Out

Think about:
  • Honeymoon – Start thinking about where you would like to go for your honeymoon and what you would need to accomplish before then. If you are planning international travel, do you need to update your passport or get any immunizations? Are you going to hire a travel agent to book anything for you? In the era of coronavirus, travel may be restricted, so keep this in mind when planning. You may even want to hold off on booking the honeymoon until a more stable time. Consider a staycation or a mini-moon in your home state until you can travel more widely.
  • Music – Start thinking about what you would like for your reception and/or ceremony music. Do you prefer a live band or is a DJ more your style?
  • Officiant – Who would you want to actually marry you? If you like the idea of having a family member or close friend become ordained to do this, check the laws in your area to ensure this is a legal and viable option, then float the idea with your desired person.  
Contact and confirm:
  • Photographer/Videographer – This is one of the most important decisions. You want to make sure you have memories from your special day! Confirm with your photographer that they are available for your wedding date and get quotes from two or three to consider all your options. If you also want a videographer, this is often a separate vendor. You will likely need to have your photographer and/or videographer confirmed with deposits by this date in order to reserve their services for your event.
  • Florist – Confirm your florist. You will need to have some idea of what flowers you’d like, how many you will need, and if you will ask the same vendor to make your bouquets or centerpieces. You could also buy flowers in bulk and DIY the bouquets, but keep in mind that this option comes with more work and potential stress.
  • Caterer – If your venue does not have a in-house caterer, you are free to choose your catering company, usually from their preferred vendor list. If so, you can plan to do this about ten months out. Follow the same process of checking for your wedding date and narrowing down available caterers from there.  Review their menu selections to narrow your choices down to one or two possibilities before you schedule your tasting(s), because there is usually a fee for this service, especially if you end up booking somewhere else.   

8 Months Out

Think about:
  • Baker/Cake –Research bakers in your area and think about what you would like for your wedding cake. Do you want a traditional tiered or sheet cake, or something more modern, such as a cupcake tree? Having a cake for cutting and offering other desserts is popular now.  Narrow down your preferences and have two or three bakeries in mind that you could visit. Schedule a tasting, typically six months before your wedding. Remember to ask your bakery when scheduling if there is an additional fee for tastings.
  • Caterer – Select the menu choices for your tasting(s) and schedule your tasting approximately six months before your wedding. NOTE: Once you book your caterer, ask if all or part of your tasting fee can be applied to the contract price.
  • Hair and makeup – Start thinking about what you would like for your hair and makeup for the big day and whether you will get ready at the venue or an off-site location. Will you do your makeup yourself but hire a hair stylist? Will you have the same stylist available for the bride as well as bridesmaids, or do you need a team of stylists for a large wedding party?
Contact and confirm:
  • Music – Confirm your reception and ceremony music. This may be two different vendors; for example, if you want live music for the ceremony but a DJ for the reception, you need to talk with two different companies. Have them both confirmed and deposit(s) placed as needed around this time.
  • Officiant – Once you’ve decided on who you would like to have as your officiant, make sure to confirm the details with them.
  • Stationer/Calligrapher – If you plan to DIY your stationary, you can skip this step. If you plan to have a vendor create all or some of your stationary (save the dates, invitations, table cards, programs, etc.), then you will need to contact them and confirm their services about eight months away from the wedding. If you are hiring a calligrapher or want your stationary to be handwritten, check with the vendor’s timetable and follow their guidelines for how far out they need to book to fulfill your order.

Six Months Out

Contact and confirm:
  • Cake and Caterer – Have your tastings. Who wouldn’t love this step?
  • Transportation – Do you plan to hire a limo, bus, or other transportation for your wedding party on the big day? Have an idea of how many people need transportation and confirm with a company about six months out.
  • Makeup and/or Hair – If you plan to have a makeup artist and/or hair stylist for the bride and the bridal party, you need to have them confirmed by six months out. For a vendor who is really popular, you may need to book them further out. You will need to set up a trial with your artist or stylist about two or three months away before the wedding.

By the time you reach the six-month point, you should have all of your vendors confirmed.

NOTE:  I strongly suggest having a written agreement with vendors, especially with the current health crisis.  Most vendors will have a contract.  Remember, no agreement is binding until it is written down, signed, and money changes hands.  If you do accept a more informal agreement for services, I suggest corresponding by email with the vendor and keeping the email chain for documentation. 

Adjusting for the Situation

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This is the fourth post in a year-long series chronicling the process from engagement to wedding. We will share tips, ideas, and real-world experiences that may help you through your own planning process.

This year has landed us in a situation that was previously unthinkable. Most of us have never even thought about a pandemic of this scale. There’s a lot of uncertainty and it’s difficult to know how to respond.

If planning a wedding is stressful, planning a wedding during a global health crisis is a full-blown panic attack. You may be unemployed, or watching your investments plummet in value, or have a loved one who is high risk or sick. Given the new issues you are facing, wedding planning may seem like a luxury, or it might continually fall to the bottom of your to-do list, which is entirely understandable.

If you are planning, or have rescheduled, your wedding for next year, or if your event is still scheduled to happen during 2020, there are some ways you could adjust for the situation.

Smaller Guest List

Many couples are choosing to pivot by holding a smaller wedding with just family and/or close friends. While this past spring, gatherings of any size needed to be cancelled or rescheduled, it is now possible to have a small to moderate size wedding, with some adjustments. Regulations on gatherings vary depending on where you live, so, for the sake of illustrating a scenario, let’s say your event has to be capped at 100 people. If you were planning to hold an event with more than 100 guests and rescheduling isn’t an option you want to consider, you face some hard choices.

If you’ve already sent invitations, you have to uninvite some people. My best tip for this is to go through your guest list. Identify those people that absolutely must be at your wedding because you would be devastated if they weren’t there to share the day with you. Those are the folks you absolutely would want to keep.

Mark anyone who could potentially be negatively affected by being exposed to large groups at this time, such as elderly family, immunocompromised individuals, or those working in front-line jobs. These folks may feel more comfortable not attending in person, or simply may not be able to attend due to the health risks involved. Having an honest and compassionate conversation to share your and their concerns will help maintain your relationship and help you both come to a consensus together on what to do.

You could also consider eliminating guests who would need to travel in order to attend, due to potential travel regulations and the risks of traveling at this time. Again, communicating your concerns and hearing theirs is the most effective way to reach a decision everyone can live with.

Use Technology to Your Benefit

For those who cannot attend in person, consider offering a livestream or video option if you’re able. If a videographer is not in your budget, you could ask a tech-savvy family member if they would mind taking video of the ceremony on their phone or with a camera. This way, you would still be able to share some of those important moments with your loved ones.

Keep in mind that unless your family member is a trained videographer, it won’t have the same look or feel as a professional video—but it could be a viable option to at least capture some of the special moments.

A livestream could also be a possibility if your venue has decent Internet. You could share the stream with those who couldn’t travel in, or had health risks, or with other friends and family who couldn’t attend in person.

Elderly attendees may struggle with this option more, as they may not have a computer or a quality Internet connection to watch streamed video. Livestream usually offers an option to record the stream, which could be transferred to a DVD and mailed to less tech savvy loved ones.

Lower Budget

Many wedding vendors have designed packages for smaller weddings that are more budget friendly. If you are planning a smaller ceremony, be sure to ask your vendors if they have any offerings that could be a good fit for you.

If you’ve already signed a contract, a lower guest count means fewer tables, linens, food, staff, alcohol service, etc. Have a talk with your caterer and your venue—who are no doubt aware of the changing requirements and will likely be willing to work with you to adjust—and ask for an updated bill. If you have any concerns about how the changes might affect your finances or the charges from your vendors, don’t hesitate to ask.

Rescheduling vs. Cancelling

The question of postponing or outright cancelling has almost certainly come up for you. My best tip for this issue is to talk with your vendors before making a decision. Your vendors will most likely allow you to reschedule without penalty, but before you choose a new date, confirm with all of them that they are available on the new date.

Once you have confirmed their availability and willingness to reschedule, then you should confirm the change. Most vendors are willing to be flexible if you are rescheduling. 

Cancelling the event comes with much greater financial risk. You would likely lose the deposit, and there may be additional fees if you cancel within a certain time range of the event.

It may seem unreasonable, but your venue and wedding vendors have put time in to make your wedding a success; how much time varies by service, but refunding your money means that they are not compensated for those hours.

Finding a Venue You Love

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Photo is of Linganore Winecellars in Mt. Airy, MD.

This is the third post in a year-long series chronicling the process from engagement to wedding. We will share tips, ideas, and real-world experiences that may help you through your own planning process.

The venue is one of the most important decisions you will make for your wedding day. It has the potential to dictate almost all the other high-value items, including the catering options, décor, guest list, music, and more. Your venue has to meet at the intersection of your desired wedding date, your budget, your general location, and your rough head count. Finding a venue you love can be tricky, but not impossible!

Start Early

If you’re planning a wedding for a popular season, you may want to start looking at venues early. Fall weddings are particularly popular right now, and you may want to start at least a year in advance to ensure you can get a date you like.

However, if you’re planning a wedding for an off-season time, such as the winter, you have a lot more leeway. Just keep in mind that if you are set on an outdoor wedding, but you want off-season prices, winter may not be the best option for you.

Popular venues may also book as much as a year or more in advance, especially for weekend weddings, with an emphasis on Fridays and Saturdays. If you have a couple of venues in mind or one that you really love, it’s wise to contact them early and find out how far out they book and how you sign up for a tour.

Tour the Venue

Absolutely tour the venue, if you’re able. You may love the look of the place online or in other peoples’ photos, but you won’t know for certain if you can see yourself being married there until you visit. You can get a sense of how the place feels to you, what you might want to do for decorations, and you can meet and ask questions of the staff in person.

You don’t need to make a huge event out of the tour, either. Your parents may want to come, especially if they’re helping to pay for the wedding. However, you can arrange to tour the venue first and decide if it’s even a place you would like to reserve. Then you can bring your parents, friends, or bridal party for a visit on a different day once you’ve decided whether you like the venue. Typically, a tour is just the couple and maybe a close friend or the wedding planner, brought along for questions or feedback.

Keep in Mind the Budget

Have in mind a budget before you begin. This helps with the feeling of being overwhelmed as well, because it will absolutely narrow down your options. For example, if you’re aiming to spend no more than $15,000 on your wedding, then a five-star hotel is likely not going to be an option.

If you haven’t started filling out a full wedding budget, that’s fine as well. You can still plan for venues even with a rough number or a range in mind. Consider what your top spending amount is and work backward from there. You may also want to do some research before you begin or ask your wedding planner for advice on what venues typically cost in your area to get a better idea of what you can afford.

Making the Guest List

Karen Wedding In A Year, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

This is the second post in a year-long series chronicling the process from engagement to wedding. We will share tips, ideas, and real-world experiences that may help you through your own planning process.

It’s tempting to add everyone you know to your guest list, regardless of what kind of event you’re holding. For weddings and engagements, you probably want all the people you know and love to celebrate with you. And that’s great! But sometimes it’s just not feasible, for space, time, or money reasons. So how do you make a guest list that works for you? Here are a few tips to consider.

Say “No” to A, B, and C Lists

It’s common wedding advice to have the couple create an “A” list of folks who absolutely are invited, without question. This could be parents, grandparents, siblings, close relatives and friends, etc. The “B” list might be people you would like to invite but aren’t sure you will have the space or aren’t sure they will accept the invitation. These might be people who live out of the area, distant relations, or friends you aren’t as close to. And the “C” list are folks you will invite if other people don’t come, such as business friends, coworkers, or distant relatives.

I typically don’t advise my clients to use tiered lists. They can get the couple into trouble trying to tally their head count with catering and the venue. It’s easy to lose track of the count like this, and sometimes you under- or overestimate who will accept or come to the event. My advice is to create one list. A common rule of thumb is that only 70% of your guest list will accept the invite or arrive and someone will always cancel last-minute, but it’s wiser to plan for the full number you have invited. 

My advice generally is to create one list and, until you hear otherwise, plan as if everyone you invite will accept. This gives you a consistent idea of what to expect for numbers and also helps you narrow down who you really want to come to your event.

Account for the Space

You likely selected your wedding venue before you started on your guest list. You probably have a general idea in mind of roughly how many people you want to invite. Now it’s time to solidify that rough idea into a more stable list.  If you have a long list of people you want to invite, you probably considered the maximum capacity of the venue.  But even if no one arrives unexpectedly or accepts last-minute, you don’t want your guests to feel crowded, and you will need room for a dance floor. I suggest looking at wedding floor plans for your venue to see what size tables are typical and how many will fit comfortably. Consider the number of guests per table and the number of tables you will need. 

However, although a five-foot round table comfortably seats 8 guests, room for 20 tables of 8 doesn’t automatically mean room for 160 guests. Although you won’t make the seating chart until the RSVPs are back, you should assume that there will be groups of 5, 6, or 7 guests that you will want to seat together. This means leaving room for one or two extra tables. So, I suggest subtracting two tables to calculate the number of guests the room will comfortably accommodate. In this case, I recommend using a maximum capacity of 144, not 160.

If you are having a smaller, more intimate wedding with close friends and family, you will need to consider the venue’s minimum, if they have one. 

Account for the Budget

Involve a wedding planner to create your budget, if possible, or talk to friends who have been recently married and do your research to see what your “must have” items will realistically cost.  The easiest way to stay within your wedding budget is to limit the number of guests, but the cost per guest goes way beyond what your catering and beverage package will charge per person. You will also need to consider the number of tables, chairs, linens, and centerpieces, and it can all change based on the head count you communicate to your vendors.

Once you have an idea of the cost per person, you need to determine how many guests you can afford without breaking the bank. You might want 100 people at your wedding, but your budget can only accommodate 75. That’s fine, but you need to plan accordingly. If you really want that 76th person to be there, you might have to expand your budget somewhat to account for the increase.

Account for Relationships

If you have a large family, it might feel like you have to invite everyone you’re related to. Or your parents or grandparents might insist on having that distant cousin receive an invite because that person is important to them.

If your budget allows for a large wedding, then that’s fantastic. You may be able to invite everyone in the family and then some. But the reality for many couples these days is that they just can’t afford to invite everyone.

It’s time to consider your relationships with people. If it’s a work associate you’re not that close to, or a distant relative you barely know, you may not want to invite them. If you would be absolutely heartbroken if someone didn’t come, then you know they definitely need to have an invite.

These are hard choices, but if you start with the people you know for certain you want to be there and work down the list from there, you can create a guest list that is “just right” for the two of you.

I Just Got Engaged! What’s Next?

Karen Wedding In A Year, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Photo by Pearly Kate Photography.

This is the first post in a year-long series chronicling the process from engagement to wedding. We will share tips, ideas, and real-world experiences that may help you through your own planning process.

You’re getting married! Congratulations! You’re probably feeling excited and happy, but you may also feel a sense of being overwhelmed, and maybe a tiny bit panicked. You can head off those negative emotions with a few tips.

You don’t have to take every tip that’s offered, either here or from anyone else—more about this later. But I hope some of these tips will be useful to help you get started.

Take a Break and Breathe

It’s very, very tempting to start wedding planning right away.

DON’T.

The wedding planning process is often stressful, despite all the best efforts, and there will be plenty to plan and stress over later. Take a couple of weeks to enjoy your engaged status. Bask in the glow of that excitement and love with your fiancé. Take some time for you two and just enjoy this initial headiness. There will be plenty of time for planning and questions afterward. Remember to breathe and rest.

Tell Your Loved Ones First

Use the two-week break to call or visit your loved ones and tell them your big news personally, BEFORE you put it out on social media! Many parents have been surprised by seeing an engagement announcement on social media before they heard it directly from their child, and it can really be a cause for hurt feelings. And it’s not just parents—make sure you call all the important people in your life. This can include grandparents, siblings, other relatives with whom you are close, best friends, and your future spouse’s family members. Just because you’ve told everyone on your side and want to put it out there, it doesn’t mean your fiancé’s side has been fully informed.

Once you have ensured that the important people in both your lives have been updated directly, feel free to use social media to announce it to a broader audience.

Decide on an Engagement Party

Generally, your first act after both of the above tips will be to decide if you want to have an engagement party. If you do, who will host it? Will it be the happy couple to host with a few family and friends? Will the parents host something? Or could you give it to the future maid of honor or best man to organize as their first official duty? Ponder over whether you want a party and how, when, where, and who to invite.

During the pandemic crisis, you may not be able to hold an in-person engagement party at all, depending on the regulations in your state or county. If this is the case, you could always consider hosting a virtual party. Gather your friends and family on a private online forum, open a bottle of wine, and be prepared to chat! You could also pick a few games to play, such as trivia, bingo, or pictionary, or take turns with other attendees to organize the games between you so one person isn’t always having to lead.

Also keep in mind that you don’t have to throw a party at all. If you know you need to keep your budget small, then you may decide to skip the engagement party completely. And that’s fine! You are not obligated to have any parties, especially if it will break your budget. Which leads into the final tip…

Practice Saying NO

As a newly engaged person, you’re likely to receive a lot of advice. So many people have been married that it feels like everyone is an expert, and some folks are more insistent in offering advice than others. However well-intentioned that advice may be, it’s often overwhelming. You’re going to get advice from parents, family, friends—really, just about anyone—whether you ask for it or not. Be prepared, remember to breathe, and practice saying one or more of the following statements:

  • “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”
  • “We’ll consider it.”
  • “I’ll check with my coordinator.”
  • “It’s not really what I’m looking for, but I appreciate your advice.”
  • “We’d really like to keep it small.”
  • “No.”

That last word will come in handy should anyone start insisting that you “need” to have items that are not what you want or are outside of your budget. It’s OK to say no, and to repeat it as often as is necessary. You may want to practice saying it until you’re comfortable, especially if you’re not normally an assertive person or if you’ve been taken by surprise. Ask your coordinator for help if you need it.

Also lumped in with this tip is: Don’t ask for wedding help on social media unless you really want it. One bride was astonished to find that a single post on Facebook expressing surprise at wedding costs brought out every female member of her family and many of her friends to add tips, advice, and “you should do…”—all of which wasn’t really solicited or helpful in that moment.

Keep in mind that your family and friends likely are just wanting to be helpful to you, especially if this is a process they’ve already been through themselves, and they want to be part of your special day. If it would be helpful to you to save their advice for later, you could always ask them to email their tips and then filter those messages aside for a later time when you’re ready to look at them.

You and your fiancé will need to decide what you want in a wedding, and what you can afford. A good coordinator can help with this. Once you decide, make sure you stand firm, say no as necessary—and remember to breathe!